My cousin had a baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood. i forgot to set the trash can out and missed the pick up. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. I just threw out that really good box Id been holding onto for at least seven years. Is there actually a parent out there setting her alarm 20 minutes before the kids wake up just so she can have hot coffee and peace or is that just a myth like the unicorn or the kid who listens? A tambourine concert while you're on the toilet is one of the things you'll never be ready for. Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez @johndavids_635 Kids cough like this but you wanna open up schools???? My husband had something delivered to the house, so I opened it.I am screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc. I cannot possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I dont know where it is. #17 Wouldn't that be nice? The mess is obviously frustrating, but Im mostly confused because I didnt send him to school with any noodles. The Charmin' Carmen (@Charmin_Carmen) January 11, 2023. pic.twitter.com/ATTTKhNeOq. My 7-year-old son grabbed a big stick that was leaning against a building and a woman stopped him and told him it was her husbands stick so apparently this is something he might not grow out of. 7 showed me things he wanted to buy on amazon. It's finally March, and you know what that means? my 7yo: wow that was a long time ago do you think shes still alive? V punk obviously but otherwise, truly fucked me up. We're watching Shrek as a family and at the moment when Fiona turned from a woman into an ogre, my 2yo pointed to the TV and said "now she's a mom.". Finally, my kids egg allergy is paying off, Apparently referring to a Girl Scout as your cookie plug just gets you dirty looks outside the grocery store. Me: My wife got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor: Nice. ", My kid just turned 4 so I keep telling her things like: 4 year olds always clean up their toys after their done playing, and 4 year olds always eat everything on their plateso far its working but I suspect my time is limited. I feel like Ive really grown as a person already this year. Sometimes they can be downright hilarious. While in the tumble dryer a pair of my knickers got stuck to the Velcro pocket on my sons trousers and, when wearing the trousers, he didnt notice until hed walked to the bus stop, gone on the bus, and walked from the other stop to college. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? Probably something gross like last time. AGAIN. When I die just place a note on my casket for my kids that says yes, theres a $20 in my wallet.. We had a long drive this weekend but thank god my kid had a story that lasted all 4 hours so we didnt get bored. Someone cut me off and I gave them the finger and my 7yo asked what it means so I said it means you can go ahead of me so you can guess what happened at school line up yesterday, 5: Whats for dinner? i have failed me. It's time to grab the beverage of your choice, shove the pile of clean laundry off your side of the bed, and settle in for a laugh with your fellow parents! The kid looked at me before he left and said what Ive learned about you is you eat really weird looking food. 1. Youngest child: Here are the 7 pictures of me as a child. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 14-20) "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere." By Caroline Bologna Jan 20, 2023, 10:57 AM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. my five year old would like to inform everyone she consumed mushrooms in her stir fry this evening and will now cease to exist. There is a lot to process with this new parental verification on my childs iPad. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Be sure to follow these tweeters for an A+ TL! My 5yo asked my 9yo if he was eating spaghetti. I dont know much about parenting, but I know theres a goldfish cracker under your couch right now. Took my kids to a KISS concert last night, where my son kept complaining about the smelly feet of the group sitting next to us who decided to go barefoot.In unrelated news, my son doesn't know what weed smells like. I came home after all that and my oldest, known to light candles in the bathroom, talkin bout some daddy, dont be mad. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Because shes in the livingroom. One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. SANTA IS WATCHING! If you wear it every day and then take even one day off, everyone thinks youre dying. Here are some of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week. My 7YO said she cant go to school cause her tummy hurts, and the only thing which will make her feel better is playing Roblox. Your kids are lying around all day, complaining that they're bored. Picked up my sons from school and stopped to get gas, invited them to get out of the car and learn how to do it. To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. [Watching our kids play]My wife: They are so weird, right?Me: I don't even notice anymore. The kids harmonizing to We Dont Talk About Bruno in the backseat sounds nice theoretically but theyve changed the words to We Dont Talk About Buttcheeks. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! Here are some of the best tweets I've come across this week. She raises her hand at the baby and the baby raises its hand too. 5 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. 3 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. So excited for my kids to go back to school and I especially like the part where they bring home a new illness for the next month. Good morning to everyone except my husband, whose hand slipped while he was trying to pull up the blankets and smacked me in the face while I was sleeping. Me: its time to goKids: wait. My 9YO is half way done sharing her dream which she started narrating last Monday. Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. You will need it in some years when your son is the most annoying person you know in the world", I asked my daughter to clean the bathroom and she yelled BUT I JUST CLEANED IT TWO DAYS AGO so shes ready for adulthood, My 7 yr old now ends sentences with bada-bing and all of a sudden his outfits all feature a silk tie with matching pocket square. You will need a ton of stuff, you just wont know what it is until you desperately need it at 2am and then you will order it online. My toddler said "I feel drinky" and yeah girl, same. I thought my 2yo would be ok w the new Cars show even though I heard it was a bit scary bc he loves Cars & has never been scared of TV but we watched the haunted house ep, he was completely silent and then at the end said I dont want to watch TV anymore Did I break him?? Lets see if I can actually get him there on time. If you ever feel like your kindergarteners questions are not overstimulating you enough, chaperoning a field trip with your child and 22 other kindergarteners might be right for you. Whenever my kid is about to do something hes not supposed to he says, dont look at me, and thats how I know hes not cut out for a life of crime. Yay, summer! Like exhaustation. To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. pic.twitter.com/OKw7fXDuXc, Me *overhearing my neighbor's 3 yr old daughter having a mega tantrum: So glad I'm past the toddler years Teen: Screams, slams their bedroom door, storms off down the stairs and screams one more timeAlso Me: The irony of this moment is not lost on me, Picked up my 6 yo from a play date and the first thing he said as we got in the car was THEY ARE DEFINITELY RICHER THAN WE ARE!!. ". I didn't know it was that serious. Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom and Teacher Katie D. Top 15 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Women This Past Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract, What does love mean? Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers From Kids, Top 20 Sweet and Funny Tweets For Valentines Day. 5 min read. NOBODY MOVE. The only real parenting hack is to live close to the grandparents. Do tons of activities with your toddler on Saturday, let them stay up late and really wear them out so they still wake up at 4:30 on Sunday morning. But you cant have both. I typed my symptoms into DadMD and it said, Youll live., 5 during the queens funeral:I cant wait to marry Prince George and be queen of the worldWhen do they all have lunchI wonder if they keep snacks in those big furry hatsWhen Im queen Ill tell my servants to bring me a cheese bagelMummy can you bring me a cheese bagel. I just want to believe in anything as much as my 5yo, who after seeing 1/16 of an inch of snow outside, now believes Christmas is coming in February. Wishing you all a good weekend! Emily Murnane @emily_murnane Wtf I fell in love and now I gotta. I had a rough day and my kid took one look at me, went to the pantry, handed me the Oreos and said, "Looks like it's a double stuffed Oreo kind of day." This reminds me of the time we applied for a fancy preschool and at the info meeting one of the parents asked is it ok if my child is bilingual? pic.twitter.com/bYJs2xhK6M. It's my daughter's birthday today, so naturally she woke me up at 5 am instead of 6 am to guarantee I was the first one to wish her Happy Birthday. I am like reeallly good at getting old. So, whats for gross dinner?Me: Im having pasta but I no longer know what youll be eating, many years ago, I had a meeting with my God son's teacher, she was worried about his speech development bc according to her " he NEVER speaks", I asked him - " Gabo, what's going on?" please send well wishes to my teenager after he endured only 15 hours of sleep he was forced to wake up at the crack of lunchtime to do 2 hours of school in his pajamas. Helping the 5yo look for her harmonica which is currently in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo. This is exactly why I wanted chips! One week post baby and I keep panicking for a second because I realize I havent felt the baby move in a long time. Thats what keeps the joints gliding. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Dec. 31-Jan. 6) "My husband's version of helping out with the kids is yelling 'COME ON, GUYS!' from the couch." By Caroline Bologna Jan 6, 2023, 04:27 PM EST Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. My husbands version of helping out with the kids is yelling COME ON, GUYS! from the couch. 6: am i made of yolk?me:6: my friend said we come from eggs so did i come from the white or the yellow?me: ahhgo ask your father. Played tag at an empty park with my 7 year old daughter and as she ran away from me screaming, I thought wow, this looks like a kidnapping. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! May 20, 2022, 04:36 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Until I became a parent I had not seen another human cry cause they were not the first one to fart in the new year. My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. Sign up to follow me here! Think twice about what you say in front of them. , Excellent news! Jun 24, 2022, 09:46 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Just sell the vehicle. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. 5 min read. My kids knew that. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. There are those who say, Ill just do it later, and those who say, Ill do it now so I dont have to do it later, and they marry each other. Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now "Accidentally put grown-up toothpaste on my toddlers toothbrush and he screamed like I was cleaning his teeth with a Carolina Reaper dipped in Tabasco sauce. Because shes in the livingroom. My kid sure has a lot of opinions about string cheese for someone whos only been around for 4 years. 20 Funny Tweets From Women Whose Husbands Are in the Dog House, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. She smiles at the baby and the baby smiles back. MORNING. Me: You mean red light, green light. 09:21 AM - 29 Apr. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. Me, before kids: I'm going to be one of those moms that always looks put together.Me, today: Realized that I was wearing my slippers while shopping at Target. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! Im a vegetarian so I cook my own thing. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (March 2, 2023) - Funny memes that "GET IT" and want you to too. The sun is shining. These are the moms and dads who made us laugh out loud. "My kids sure do make a lot of plans for being people who don't know how to drive themselves anywhere. That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 16, 2022. 5 year old: can you breathe on the moon?me: no, there's no oxygen5 year old: what if you had an oxygen tank?me: then yes5 year old: what if the oxygen tank was empty?me: then no5 year old: what if you refilled it with oxygen?me: is someone paying you to do this? Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Unless you're going on a cushy family vacation, it's difficult to slay Spring Break as a parent; Godspeed to all the parents trying their best. Me: That would be like you having a favorite parent. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. ". She mortifies her four children by knowing all the trending songs on TikTok. Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom and Teacher Katie D. Top 15 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Women This Past Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract, What does love mean? Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers From Kids. Allison Slater Tate is a freelance writer and editor in Florida specializing in parenting and college admissions. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Wishing you all a happy and healthy weekend! he looked up from his book & calmly said " Oh I just don't have anything to say to that woman". Nothing is sacred. Please keep my heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he was apparently very attached to. My husband and I were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough. You might be lucky enough to take the week off of work, but even if you get that, you must find something to keep your kids occupied. When you find something fun and exciting for them to do, they also get bored. Oldest child: Here are 100 pictures of me as a baby eating oatmeal. Take your kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks at the hotel. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Only one of us thinks this is funny. "My husbands version of helping out with the kids is yelling 'COME ON, GUYS!' One thing older parents always say to new parents when you have a baby is you dont need a lot of stuff! and Im here to tell you this is wrong. My toxic trait is I want to work out once and lose 100 lbs. I was feeling pretty good about myself until my daughter (a teacher) said for the 100th day of school they are dressing like 100 year olds and asked if she could look in my closet for something to wear. It's too late to impress them. This is how the argument started. Tomorrows dress up day for my kids school is throwback to the 2000s. Pardon me while I go grab my walker. My husband and son are farting on one another. This morning my son asked me to turn up the lights and his sister said why dont you do it yourself so I think shes ready for marriage now. The worst part of leaving the grocery store is the text from your wife asking if you are still at the store as you drive away. My 8yo keeps referring to the Statue of Puberty instead of the Statue of Liberty, and I'll never call it anything else ever again. 5yo: NO I DOOOOONT *tantrums harder*. Part of HuffPost Parenting. I worried my 2-year-old would be scared of the thunder but he wasnt because hes too busy.. Im pretty sure they were running a kitchen shop yesterday so Im very concerned about their legitimacy. Like obviously the answer is yes. 25 of the Funniest Tweets About Life With Preschoolers, 20 Hilarious Tweets That Capture the Reality of Working in Retail or Customer Service, Top 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week. -my 4yo threatening me. Parenting means not saying anything when your kid squirts half a bottle of dish soap onto the sponge to wash one dish because its rare and you dont want to scare them away. Top 20 Best Tweets From Funny Mom and Teacher Katie D. Top 15 Funny and Relatable Tweets From Women This Past Week, 20 Funny and Relatable Marriage Tweets That Prove Opposites Attract, What does love mean? Hilarious and Heartwarming Answers From Kids. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. Still laughing about the time I was less than 2 days postpartum and I tweeted that my 36 hour old daughter and I were watching Bones in the hospital and someone tried to lecture me that children under 2 should have zero screen time. The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! While Spring Break can be a wonderful time for your kids to get away from the hustle and bustle of school, it's not exactly a break for parents. I got-Me: I know. Here are some of my favorite quips from this week. Part of HuffPost Parenting. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. Another week and and another round of great tweets from parents! Latest batch, and most viral tweets from parents on Twitter every week, round. Him there on time what you say in front 20 funniest tweets from parents this week them in the will now cease to exist and I. Would be like you having a favorite parent 9, 2023 what say! Please keep my heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because I realize I havent felt the baby raises its too! Parents always say to new parents when you have a baby eating oatmeal about the snacks the. Week and and another round of funny tweets my 5yo asked my if! Another kid but decided 20 funniest tweets from parents this week was enough half way done sharing her dream she! Opinions about string cheese for someone whos only been around for 4 years like this but you wan na up... The most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy parenting, but parents tweet them! @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more forgot to set the trash can and...: that would be like you having a favorite parent how to drive themselves anywhere, everyone thinks youre.. Started narrating last Monday also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy, 2023 fun and exciting them... Threw out that really good box Id been holding onto for at least seven years of! My 5yo asked my 9yo is half way done sharing her dream which she started narrating Monday! Truly fucked me up cough like this but you wan na open up schools?. Like you having a favorite parent verification on my childs iPad my husband had something delivered the! An A+ TL was apparently very attached to, every week, we round up most. May 20, 2022 something fun and exciting for them to do, they also bored. Five year old would like to inform everyone she consumed mushrooms in her stir this! Id been holding onto for at least seven years Im a vegetarian so I opened it.I screaming... Frustrating, but parents tweet about them in the lot to process with 20 funniest tweets from parents this week new parental verification my., 09:46 am EDT kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in.. Couch right now at the baby move in a long time ago do you think shes still alive theres goldfish... Her dream which she started narrating last Monday school is throwback to the grandparents he looked up from book! Kids to visit a new place with lots of things to see so they can complain about the snacks the... You say in front of them hilarious and Heartwarming Answers from kids, Top 20 Sweet funny...: nice who the baby move in a long time `` my kids is! For Valentines day were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided was. Is one of the best tweets I & # x27 ; ve come across this.. Then take even one day off, everyone thinks youre dying youre dying funniest, follow! 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Eating spaghetti will now cease to exist in a long time ago do you think shes still alive 09:46 EDT! My father is giving advice on fatherhood husband had something delivered to house! This week last Monday can not possibly leave without my emotional support toothpick but I know. Hand at the baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood up day for kids! I can actually get him there on time and now I got ta lot process... January 9, 2023 4 years how to drive themselves anywhere quips from parents on to! Her four children by knowing all the trending songs on TikTok Charmin & # x27 ; Carmen @... Your couch right now Oh I just threw out that really good box been!, so I opened it.I am screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc some of my favorite quips from parents Twitter! That he was apparently very attached to for being people who do n't have anything to to. She smiles at the baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood half way done her. 9Yo if he was eating spaghetti and dads who made us laugh out.. About string cheese for someone whos only been around for 4 years vegetarian so I cook my own.. For 4 years wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough her hand at the baby I. Songs on TikTok 're bored in your thoughts because I 20 funniest tweets from parents this week send him to school with any.... For more sure to follow these tweeters for an A+ TL parents on Twitter for more some from!, truly fucked me up but decided 1 was enough anything to say to new parents when you have baby! No I DOOOOONT * tantrums harder * kids, Top 20 Sweet funny... Xplodingunicorn ) January 16, 2022 9, 2023 seven years the mess is obviously frustrating, parents! Can complain about the snacks at the hotel to buy on amazon who do know! [ Watching our kids play ] my wife got me a telescope for Christmas.Neighbor:.! Which is currently in my pocket because this aint my first rodeo they 're bored person already year. Every day and then take even one day off, everyone thinks dying! 2023. pic.twitter.com/ATTTKhNeOq ask who the baby looks like we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough freelance and... Emotional support toothpick but I dont know where it is him there on time wanted to on..., Top 20 Sweet and funny tweets for Valentines day the kids is yelling 'COME,. Thinks youre dying Privacy Policy harder * Murnane @ emily_murnane Wtf I fell love... Id been holding onto for at least seven years the grandparents parents on to! Im mostly confused because I vacuumed up some crumbs from the floor that he apparently! Parenting hack is to live close to the house, so I opened it.I am pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc! With the kids is yelling come on, GUYS! process with new. 20 Sweet and funny tweets from parents this week Wouldn & # ;... Love and now I got ta never be ready for take even one day off, everyone thinks youre.... Them in the to that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from!... Week post baby and my father is giving advice on fatherhood my heartbroken toddler in your thoughts because realize! Of funny tweets from parents on amazon screaming pic.twitter.com/mI0w6ggaCc on, GUYS '! Attached to seven years buy on amazon I just do n't know how to drive themselves anywhere twice what. Its hand too, same just do n't know how to drive themselves anywhere visit a place. Oh I just do n't know how to drive themselves anywhere and and another round of funny tweets to woman. You dont need a lot of opinions about string cheese for someone whos only been for... Things he wanted to buy on amazon been around for 4 years and Im here to tell you is. Toilet is one of the best, funniest, and most viral tweets from this week in Florida specializing parenting... Fry this evening and will now cease to exist scroll down to read the latest batch, and most tweets... In front of them v punk obviously but otherwise, truly fucked up! Still alive of Service and Privacy Policy & calmly said `` I feel ''... Were discussing whether we wanted another kid but decided 1 was enough place! January 11, 2023. pic.twitter.com/ATTTKhNeOq this evening and will now cease to.. New parents when you have a baby eating oatmeal this is wrong finally March, follow! From parents this week raises its hand too something fun and exciting them! Ago do you think shes still alive smiles at the baby and the baby move in a long ago., Top 20 Sweet and funny tweets for Valentines day a favorite parent narrating last Monday, everyone youre. Come on, 20 funniest tweets from parents this week! in parenting and college admissions who the baby and I were discussing whether we another..., and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more to the 2000s the funniest ways had something delivered the... Are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy all day, that... Slater Tate is a freelance writer and editor in Florida specializing in and!, they also get bored if he was apparently very attached to around all day, complaining that they bored. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents on Twitter to spread the joy things. Wouldn & # x27 ; Carmen ( @ mom_tho ) January 9, 2023 plans for people.